Last week while we were driving my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her I have a new laptop and would like a bluetooth mouse. “What!” squawked Will from the back seat. “A mouse with blue teeth?” We all laughed, a full explanation just didn’t seem worth the effort.
I’m expecting to receive some computer equipment from my parents, but I’m not sure what Will’s going to get me.
Today I heard Will announce from the other room, “Dad, I want to chew tobacco!”
What? Did he just say what I thought he said? I asked him to repeat himself for clarification.
“I want Scoop the Backhoe.” Fine, I said, he’s in the playroom.
For those lucky enough not to know, Scoop is a character in the bizarre, if not freakish, world of Bob the Builder.
Jennifer and I have always wanted to go base jumping. Launching yourself off a cliff or tall building and pulling the chute sounded like a lot of fun. With my shoulder fixed and time off with the new baby we had the perfect opportunity. We decided to leave Will with the grandparents, he’s just a little young for this. Katy, on the other hand, is still nursing so we had to drag her along.
We found the perfect cliff and got all the necessary gear. I solved the Katy problem by using a 60 ft static line. It’s enough to get that real sense of falling, but still safe. These car seat portable baby
carriers are perfect. They already have a 5-point harness and the parachute clips right onto the handle.
The jump went great. I tossed Katy off just before Jennifer launched into a huge back flip. I had to time my jump exactly because I would need to monitor Katy in the parachute fall. She couldn’t reach the steering toggles because I strapped her in so tight. We all had perfect landings in a field not far from a stand of shade trees where Jennifer nursed Katy under a large oak.
Tuesday June 2 at 8:28 am we were introduced to our daughter. She was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long. Jennifer is doing great and we had a great first day together. The baby is perfectly healthy and eating and sleeping well. She doesn't understand my need for her to say something funny so I can write about it in this blog, so for now I just have to brag that she is perfect.I got a text message suggesting ways Jennifer could induce labor.
Jumping Jacks
Castor Oil
Liver Pudding
We are now 7 days past the due date and she still won’t have anything to do with the Liver Pudding. I tried to show her a picture of the package. (The one from the original Ring Liver Pudding post) I thought maybe just the image might have some effect. She saw through my plan and said before the picture materialized on the screen, “Is that the liver pudding? I don’t even want to see it. I know what it looks like, Dennis. Every time you mention it I see a pile of poop in a pan. Diarrhea in a pan. I don’t need to see a picture.” Still no baby.
My previous post seems to be mostly misunderstood. I took Jennifer’s most recent ultrasound and photoshopped in the famous “face on Mars”. I took a little while to make it look good. But I’m afraid that may have been a wasted effort.
I think most folks who read this probably reacted like I would have, they just don’t care what an ultrasound picture shows. Also, since most of us don’t see these things very often, it wasn’t as instantly recognizable as a fake as I’d hoped.
When I got ready to post the altered photo, I showed it to the proud mother who instantly recognized it for what it was, a doctored ultrasound with a picture of the face on Mars. I guess my test subject was both too familiar with her baby and sci-fi movies about Mars. I need to better align my focus groups with my target audience.
