7 Days of Waiting

I got a text message suggesting ways Jennifer could induce labor.

Jumping Jacks

Castor Oil

Liver Pudding

We are now 7 days past the due date and she still won’t have anything to do with the Liver Pudding. I tried to show her a picture of the package. (The one from the original Ring Liver Pudding post) I thought maybe just the image might have some effect. She saw through my plan and said before the picture materialized on the screen, “Is that the liver pudding? I don’t even want to see it. I know what it looks like, Dennis. Every time you mention it I see a pile of poop in a pan. Diarrhea in a pan. I don’t need to see a picture.” Still no baby.

It's Mars, people, Mars!

My previous post seems to be mostly misunderstood.  I took Jennifer’s most recent ultrasound and photoshopped in the famous “face on Mars”.  I took a little while to make it look good.  But I’m afraid that may have been a wasted effort.

I think most folks who read this probably reacted like I would have, they just don’t care what an ultrasound picture shows.  Also, since most of us don’t see these things very often, it wasn’t as instantly recognizable as a fake as I’d hoped.

When I got ready to post the altered photo, I showed it to the proud mother who instantly recognized it for what it was, a doctored ultrasound with a picture of the face on Mars.  I guess my test subject was both too familiar with her baby and sci-fi movies about Mars.  I need to better align my focus groups with my target audience.

10 Days and Counting

Lots of people like to show off the images from the ultrasound.  To me, the all look like pictures only a mother could love.  Jennifer had another ultrasound today, this one is different.  It's one any sci-fi fan could love! 

We haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl.  I'm going to post a Boy or Girl survey so we can find out what folks think we are having.

By the way, I do have the mother's approval for this post.

Elephant Pancakes

For years we've had these jungle print plates.  It only seemed right that the pancakes be appropriate for the setting.  I didn't think to take a picture of the the first pancake.  It was a great looking rhinoceros, or a bad attempt at the elephant.   The third elephant had a much better looking trunk but the body proportions were all wrong. (pictured on the griddle)

It was sure good to see our plates with the animals they deserve. 

Fortunately, we had new carpet installed last week so we found the long lost camera (just in time for the new baby).

Surveys

I recently filled out a survey intended to identify my personality, spiritual gifts, and passion. My views of these surveys are similar to how I feel about colonoscopies. (Fortunately, I haven't had one.) If you need one, go through the ugly process and hope you get results you can live with. If not, deal with what you find.

It turns out I barely have a personality, minimal gifts, and no passion. If a guy got colonoscopy which turned up so little he'd be jumping up and down with joy, maybe not jumping for a while.

I may need a second opinion to help deal with what I found. Apparently, I am not up to the job of dealing with a problem like myself.





Note:
I was originally going to write about how personality test are like going to the dentist, but I didn't want to offend dentists. A large percentage of my readers are oral health professionals (at least 2) and it's dangerous to put off so many of your loyal followers. So I was left with the proctological exam. The problem was all of the other jokes and remarks that are so easy to make. Well, I didn't make any, but I sure expect you to thinks of some. Anyway, I don't like those personality surveys.

That's hardly cool

The X-ray technician poked her her head back in the room, “Did the doctor put screws in your shoulder?”  She had been checking the films she just took to make sure they were okay.  I was fairly sure he used screws, but since I was asleep at the time and no screws were sticking out, I said I wasn’t sure.

A few minutes later, “Oh, it’s okay.  The doctor said he used plastic screws in your shoulder.”  What!  Plastic screws!  Do they even show up on X-rays?

Well, in turns out the don’t.  The best I get is some drilled holes you can see in the clavicle.  (That’s where the plastic screws are holding the cadaver tendon in my bones.)

Good news, my shoulder’s doing as well as the doctor could hope.  Just too bad I don’t have a cool picture making me look like a cyborg.

Andy's Views

    Here is an account of a meal Andy had at Long John Silver.