How My Parents Met

My mother, a regular contributor to the Chicken Soup the the Soul series, recently submitted a story about how she met my dad. I’ve heard various iterations of the story for the last 40 years so I thought I’d give my version.

My dad (who depending on the version, either dated anyone or couldn’t get a date at all) called a local sorority house looking for a date. My mom answered the phone. “Is Julie there?” She wasn’t. “Is Pattie there?” She wasn’t. “Is Sandy there?” No. “How about Kim...Becky...Susan?” None of them were home. My mom apparently was the only non-social member of the girls social society.

So my dad asked, “Do you want to go on a date?” My mom said, “Sure, why not.” So they met, found out each others names, went on a date, sat on a big anchor, and got married.

My mom’s version is much more Chicken Soup.

A second helping of Liver Pudding

Just like the actual product, I had to go back to this story for more.

I asked the lady who stocks the meat department at the grocery store, "Do you sell much of that liver pudding?"  She says they sell a lot of it, but mostly to "the older people, they love it. They grew up with it, you know." 

I explained I had purchased some to find out what it is.  She says most of the folks put it on crackers or eat it in their scrambled eggs.  I was real close with the fried eggs on the first try an the toast on the second.

I guess I'm a natural when it comes to mysterious meat products.

Dangerous Book

Here is one of my favorite stories from the book my brothers and I just gave to our parents chronicling the events of our childhood.

How to Blow Stuff Up     

 

Step one: Find a container. 

  

a.   A yogurt cup is the best container for holding dangerous chemicals 

  i.  They usually come with a lid to keep everything safe    

  ii. They are not big enough to make things too dangerous, you're not going to do anything dangerous anyway. 

b. Paper cups tend to crush too easily and often don’t have lids 

c.  Styrofoam cups will melt when things like gas are put in them 

   

Step two:  Collect the explosives. 

 

a.   You can go around the house and find everything that says “Danger" or "Flammable” on it. Take a sample of it and put some in the cup. 

b.   You should include at least one whole or unwrapped firecracker or a disassembled rocket engine to make sure the device works.  

c.   Keep it dry. 

  i.  Be careful not to put too much stuff from a spray can in the mix.   

  ii.  It will cause the rocket engine to get wet and burn slower. 

  iii. Spray cans labeled “flammable” are often only flammable if you light them while you are spraying them out of the can. 

Step three:  Create a fuse. 

a.    Firecracker fuses don’t work well on this type of device, they only seem to be good for firecrackers.   

b.    Don’t use a firecracker to light your yogurt cup bomb, it will  just light the firecracker and blow all the other stuff all over. 

c.    String won’t work, unless it is the string you take out of a candle. So use a candle wick. 

d.   Once you have selected the perfect fuse, put the fuse into the cup.  Punch a hole in the lid or just take the lid off once the 

cup is where you’re going to light it. 

  

  

Step four: Find a safe place and blow it up. 

  

a.  Your room is not a good spot for this.         

b.  A dump site for demolished houses is a great location.  

   i.  It is out of site from adults  

   ii. It has plenty of junk to hide behind 

c.   Light the fuse and run to a safe distance of at least six feet. 

d.  Be careful when running away from the lit device because a construction dump may have lots of broken windows and boards with nails sticking out of them. 

e.  Watch in shock and awe as the rocket engine and firecrackers light off and the other junk slowly burns and melts the yogurt 

cup. 

***NOW THAT YOU'VE READ THIS, YOU'RE PROBABLY ON AN FBI WATCH LIST***

Why was Tony Dungy an Egg

Tonight while I was making dinner I heard Will ask from the living room, "Why was Tony Dungy an egg?"  What?  "Why was Tony Dungy an egg?"  I asked him what he was talking about but he simply repeated the same question.

I asked him where he saw Tony Dungy as an egg.  He replied "He fell off the wall and broke." 

"No, that's Humpty Dumpty."  

Turns out, I think it would have been easier to to explain why Tony Dungy was an egg.

Ring Liver Pudding

I've seen this sausage looking thing in the meat section for years now and curiosity finally drove me to purchase Ring Liver Pudding. I had no idea what it was other than some fairly typical pork parts type ingredients. I asked the cashier if she knew what it was. She didn't, and she had never seen anybody buy it.
I didn't take this as a good sign, still I had to find out. The internet was not a lot of help. Apparently those who make and eat Ring Liver Pudding keep their recipes on paper. I don't think they use the internet, I'm not even sure they use electricity.
It looks like a fat sausage so I cooked it like one, but it melted into a sick looking mush in the pan. Jennifer was grossed out and said it looked like "cat puke". I agreed it looked unappetizing but I spooned it onto a plate beside my eggs and had a go at it.
It tasted like a pork liver paste kind of thing. I had it at a second meal because I had bought a whole pound of this stuff and couldn't let it all go to waste. Again, the most troubling part was the appearance. I put it on toast this time and it was like a hot greasy braunschweiger sandwich which again tasted okay but looked like I had emptied a dirty diaper on some whole wheat.

Curiosity satiated, I'll let the rest go to waste.

After sledding down the hill this morning we went walking through the woods in our first few inches of snow.  We saw rabbit tracks and cat tracks and, of course, toddler tracks.  

Will sat down in the woods to rest and when he got up said "Look, my bottom print!"  He promptly plopped back down to make a new one.

I thought for a moment then decided - no, bottom prints don't make good pictures.  "Hey Will, do you know what a snow angle is?"

I showed him one, then he was all about the "angle prints".  He wanted to come back to the house to "show Mom how to make angle prints."

They made them together.

Frozen waterfall

A little over a half mile hike through the woods from our house gets you to a little waterfall.  The stream usually is not that large, but after wet weather and then a hard freeze it looks pretty neat.  It was 9 deg F today when we walked to the falls.

Will really enjoys hiking in the woods and this is the first time he's made it to the falls.  I think winter hiking is easier for him because all the padding softens all the falls and thorny vines.

He wanted to bring the ice home.  I told him we had plenty at home.  His sandbox cover has turned into a tiny skating rink .